from early backwoods neglect

by the Doorman

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This record presents you with a compilation of songs with sparse arrangements recorded between 2003 and 2019. Together they evoke the calming stillness of the forest. I captured the images you see on the cover and in the booklet (go to my website) with an old analogue camera somewhere in the 90s. The image at the back shows the old farm (yb 1871) where I grew up and listened at night to the sound of the wind in the poplar trees which you can see in front of the house. 


released May 12, 2019

played by Jan de Jong with
4,8 - lyrics and vocals by Samira Midhat
10,13 - vocals by Meneka Senn
recording and mastering by Jan de Jong
©2019 - all rights reserved -


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the Doorman Utrecht, Netherlands

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Track Name: St. Paul on the Way to Damascus
why in the world you make me cry
I have never felt so sad
seems you don't want me in your life
I have to bear witness to these facts

turned the stones into bread, no
I don't think so
jumped off the pinnacle into your arms
no harm done, an angel saved my ass

fear, is the feeling I often have
but I think I'm trying the best I can
did you drive us into the arms
of total strangers who took our charms?

I was hit by a flash of light, yes
had a flashback
love made me blind like that yeah
in a split-sec, Ananias at first sight

rumour has is that you woke up
from a dream in which you took off
to the stars that shine above us
in the hearts of those who love us
those who treasure every moment of eternity

I have called you to take you with me
I have begged if He could forgive me
a wanderer with a restless soul
I can't control
the storms that rage
the lonesome days

now the stars really shine above us
the wish I made has demonstrated
that there is a chance of pure romance
for those who stay on the heavy road
now I embrace you and hold you strong
yeah, this should be my final song
for there is no need anymore to relieve
the pains I had, the sores are healed

the script he handed me
had pages missing
and actors kissing
the prompter never got to the set
they shot him dead
blanks in his head

but the dream you had
was included for its perfect happy end
Track Name: callous (the carelessness)
women in this world
are on flights that are delayed
the automatic pilot
grounds his aeroplane today

children, you were lost
they gave you electronic maps
and shepherds made their flocks
and family disappear, oh dear..

now the streets are full
of people who are watching
their smartphones
pushing the “Like” button
whenever they leave home, that’s great…

Goldilocks was tired
she undressed and slept with all the bears
in a real-time video chat
she discusses her oedipal fears, oh dear..

the bruises in my life
were self-inflicted wounds
my window dressing lies
of landing on the moon

I have let you down
just used to blame my father
reading all your letters
I just miss you more…and more
Track Name: please be here
have you seen me lately?
I didn't know what to say to you
I wish you were here 'though

can't you be here 'though?
in front of you I am

can you see that now?
here I am
in front of you I stand

come in closer
come by

be here
please be here
please can you be here
be here
'cause I need you to
be here
please be here
Track Name: ripples in the phaseband, ripples in the water
try to simply feel
there’s a lot of love to keep
hide it under your bed
don’t forget, she’s still upset

did you feed Schrödinger’s cat?
‘cause I looked inside the box and I think he’s dead…

stored all the words you said to me
on a memory disk I keep
the world outside is unreal
parallel waves

did you feed Schrödinger’s cat?
‘cause I looked inside the box and I think he’s dead

you’re alone, I think they miss you here
they work around the clock, trying to track you down
they searched the area around the woods
even climbed the trees ‘cause they have no clue
what do you feel when you’re travelling
through a portal to the other side?
Track Name: January, on safari
CH January, on safari
gotta keep movin’, let’s go faster
on the streets of neon cities
don’t go shootin’ fish in barrel
I can clearly see where you’re at
I saw you aiming at the camel’s back

if this goes further, you will hurt her
you gotta get yr shit together
in the desert it’s a hazard
but downtown plastic, it’s everlasting

so where do you and I turn to next?
gotta beat the one you call your dad

I can see a face in my dreams
with eyes in the back of its head
a friendly face
I know it’s Death

I can see you’ve changed the way you feel about me
when I got up on my feet and hoped I would heal
all the wounds that he inflicted on me
a psychopath has eyes in the back of his head CH

burn all the bridges in the world
I am sure we can cross that river if we want to
I know that you want to, I know that you’d love to
finish our ride, finish (it) alright (2x)
one day we will be together again
Track Name: carousel rider
you’re just into it and every night you’re getting wasted
I heard you talkin’ about the guy next door and now I love you
on the carousel she’s dangling her feet
don’t go kicking, your horse won’t go faster
it stays put, it is wood
carousel rider, the drinks you will buy her
it’s only 'cause you’re lonely

oh, you show no signs of weakness
oh my god, you have no mercy
now I know you’re a stranger like me
we’re the ones with a fractured psyche

on New Year’s eve in separate rooms
we had to count down to midnight
everybody’s uptight
on New Year’s eve in a medical pot shop
you broke and entered
and now I don’t know if I love you

she hates me and hurts me
she loves me and wants me
I can’t be your friend when you’re around me
Track Name: come on now
come on now, don't be scared, move a little closer
I will be here for you, holding you tender
take a risk, hurry up, I will do no harm now
I'll make sure you have everything you ever dreamed of

beauty, I keep gazing
oh amazing, you are here
you are here

slow, slow
soft and tender
warm and gentle
you are here
you are here
Track Name: man vs. time (12 rounds)
run back towards the home plate
she has a see-through
I wish I knew her

a gunshot in the backyard
his eyes are piercing
he missed a soda can

no-one understands you
just try to memorize
the names of Family Ties
and then Mallory started shooting crystal meth

she saw I was looking really sad
man versus time
a patient’s central line
infected by a pornographic
check your water supply
and then you find a way
to leave your lover behind
she was all you needed
Track Name: poignant
one in the bed
one on the couch
she wants to move
out of the house
is this what we have come to?
is this a phase we can go through?
does she buy some time or is she over me?

one in the belly
one passes through
like a wounded animal
you had to shoot
is this what we have come to?
is there still a future for me and you?
does she need some time or is she over me?

lights on, do keep the lights on
there’s a darkness creeping in and over me

at 2 A.M.
she broke the news
I found a way
to carry on
and now you’re a ghost in the room

the silhouettes of you and me
had been there on a sunny day
I hope the end resolves to the tonic
Track Name: siren song
girl when you spin it
then you never want to go home
I was asking you for a dance
but you said repeatedly ‘no’

storm clouds gather in the american sky
it ain’t hope what you will find
but there’s a strong wind that will blow
through our hidden undertows

are you set to marry
the first man to set foot
on the shore of your eyes of mourning?
yeah, I think that you should

and I tried to swim to the light
but I couldn’t grab your hand
I drowned but I’m still awake
Track Name: at least you're beautiful
none other Lord than He sees
mother drags the child and he weeps
the fields are now hay and he sweeps
that lovely little girl I used to know
took herself off with the cattle and the plough

this time we’ll think about what the parson has said:
“I know He’s with me and will be after I’m dead,
they puncture my head with the Ten Commandments,
they wanna go up that hill but they don’t wanna do it themselves"

let’s call it even
I don’t wanna go in the desert, for 40 days

at least you’re beautiful
at least, you are beautiful
you are beautiful
Track Name: my nightingale
when you came across
the people that we lost
my nightingale
sang its lonely song to me

and now the day has come
she brought along a gun
why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?

when you hurt the person you loved
and my breath suddenly stopped
my nightingale
sang its lonely song to me
Track Name: goodnight and drive home safely
the end of desolation
and friends turned out to be friends
and I had my chance
I took my chance

goodnight and drive home safely
I hope you'll arrive in time
I won't be there 'cause you don't want me there

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