from early backwoods neglect

by the Doorman

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why in the world you make me cry I have never felt so sad seems you don't want me in your life I have to bear witness to these facts turned the stones into bread, no I don't think so jumped off the pinnacle into your arms no harm done, an angel saved my ass fear, is the feeling I often have but I think I'm trying the best I can did you drive us into the arms of total strangers who took our charms? I was hit by a flash of light, yes had a flashback love made me blind like that yeah in a split-sec, Ananias at first sight rumour has is that you woke up from a dream in which you took off to the stars that shine above us in the hearts of those who love us those who treasure every moment of eternity I have called you to take you with me I have begged if He could forgive me a wanderer with a restless soul I can't control the storms that rage the lonesome days now the stars really shine above us the wish I made has demonstrated that there is a chance of pure romance for those who stay on the heavy road now I embrace you and hold you strong yeah, this should be my final song for there is no need anymore to relieve the pains I had, the sores are healed the script he handed me had pages missing and actors kissing the prompter never got to the set they shot him dead blanks in his head but the dream you had was included for its perfect happy end
women in this world are on flights that are delayed the automatic pilot grounds his aeroplane today children, you were lost they gave you electronic maps and shepherds made their flocks and family disappear, oh dear.. now the streets are full of people who are watching their smartphones pushing the “Like” button whenever they leave home, that’s great… Goldilocks was tired she undressed and slept with all the bears in a real-time video chat she discusses her oedipal fears, oh dear.. the bruises in my life were self-inflicted wounds my window dressing lies of landing on the moon I have let you down just used to blame my father reading all your letters I just miss you more…and more
have you seen me lately? I didn't know what to say to you I wish you were here 'though can't you be here 'though? in front of you I am can you see that now? here I am in front of you I stand come in closer come by be here please be here please can you be here be here 'cause I need you to be here please be here
try to simply feel there’s a lot of love to keep hide it under your bed don’t forget, she’s still upset did you feed Schrödinger’s cat? ‘cause I looked inside the box and I think he’s dead… stored all the words you said to me on a memory disk I keep the world outside is unreal parallel waves did you feed Schrödinger’s cat? ‘cause I looked inside the box and I think he’s dead you’re alone, I think they miss you here they work around the clock, trying to track you down they searched the area around the woods even climbed the trees ‘cause they have no clue what do you feel when you’re travelling through a portal to the other side?
CH January, on safari gotta keep movin’, let’s go faster on the streets of neon cities don’t go shootin’ fish in barrel I can clearly see where you’re at I saw you aiming at the camel’s back if this goes further, you will hurt her you gotta get yr shit together in the desert it’s a hazard but downtown plastic, it’s everlasting so where do you and I turn to next? gotta beat the one you call your dad I can see a face in my dreams with eyes in the back of its head a friendly face I know it’s Death I can see you’ve changed the way you feel about me when I got up on my feet and hoped I would heal all the wounds that he inflicted on me a psychopath has eyes in the back of his head CH burn all the bridges in the world I am sure we can cross that river if we want to I know that you want to, I know that you’d love to finish our ride, finish (it) alright (2x) one day we will be together again
you’re just into it and every night you’re getting wasted I heard you talkin’ about the guy next door and now I love you on the carousel she’s dangling her feet don’t go kicking, your horse won’t go faster it stays put, it is wood carousel rider, the drinks you will buy her it’s only 'cause you’re lonely oh, you show no signs of weakness oh my god, you have no mercy now I know you’re a stranger like me we’re the ones with a fractured psyche on New Year’s eve in separate rooms we had to count down to midnight everybody’s uptight on New Year’s eve in a medical pot shop you broke and entered and now I don’t know if I love you she hates me and hurts me she loves me and wants me I can’t be your friend when you’re around me
come on now 02:29
come on now, don't be scared, move a little closer I will be here for you, holding you tender take a risk, hurry up, I will do no harm now I'll make sure you have everything you ever dreamed of beauty, I keep gazing oh amazing, you are here you are here slow, slow soft and tender warm and gentle you are here you are here
run back towards the home plate she has a see-through I wish I knew her a gunshot in the backyard his eyes are piercing he missed a soda can no-one understands you just try to memorize the names of Family Ties and then Mallory started shooting crystal meth she saw I was looking really sad man versus time a patient’s central line infected by a pornographic check your water supply and then you find a way to leave your lover behind she was all you needed
poignant 02:03
one in the bed one on the couch she wants to move out of the house is this what we have come to? is this a phase we can go through? does she buy some time or is she over me? one in the belly one passes through like a wounded animal you had to shoot is this what we have come to? is there still a future for me and you? does she need some time or is she over me? lights on, do keep the lights on there’s a darkness creeping in and over me at 2 A.M. she broke the news I found a way to carry on and now you’re a ghost in the room the silhouettes of you and me had been there on a sunny day I hope the end resolves to the tonic
siren song 01:55
girl when you spin it then you never want to go home I was asking you for a dance but you said repeatedly ‘no’ storm clouds gather in the american sky it ain’t hope what you will find but there’s a strong wind that will blow through our hidden undertows are you set to marry the first man to set foot on the shore of your eyes of mourning? yeah, I think that you should and I tried to swim to the light but I couldn’t grab your hand I drowned but I’m still awake
none other Lord than He sees mother drags the child and he weeps the fields are now hay and he sweeps that lovely little girl I used to know took herself off with the cattle and the plough this time we’ll think about what the parson has said: “I know He’s with me and will be after I’m dead, they puncture my head with the Ten Commandments, they wanna go up that hill but they don’t wanna do it themselves" let’s call it even I don’t wanna go in the desert, for 40 days at least you’re beautiful at least, you are beautiful you are beautiful
when you came across the people that we lost my nightingale sang its lonely song to me and now the day has come she brought along a gun why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? when you hurt the person you loved and my breath suddenly stopped my nightingale sang its lonely song to me
the end of desolation and friends turned out to be friends and I had my chance I took my chance goodnight and drive home safely I hope you'll arrive in time I won't be there 'cause you don't want me there


This record presents you with a compilation of songs with sparse arrangements recorded between 2003 and 2019. Together they evoke the calming stillness of the forest. I captured the images you see on the cover and in the booklet (go to my website) with an old analogue camera somewhere in the 90s. The image at the back shows the old farm (yb 1871) where I grew up and listened at night to the sound of the wind in the poplar trees which you can see in front of the house. 


released May 12, 2019

played by Jan de Jong with
4,8 - lyrics and vocals by Samira Midhat
10,13 - vocals by Meneka Senn
recording and mastering by Jan de Jong
©2019 - all rights reserved -


all rights reserved



the Doorman Utrecht, Netherlands

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