ballroom music (fuck no)

by the Doorman

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1.
two women get together and fix me up with morphine I doze away and I play them a little organ she plays cool when she finds a mistress in her wardrobe her boyfriend is a total jerk but a handsome broker I have seen the dancing queen when she was still a loner off the floor she took some crack and then she danced slower she flew backstage in a rage when the band had gone sober Batman watched when she fucked the Penguin and the Joker no-one needs a grown-up man with sweaty hands sniffin' underwear the crowd rejoiced in his off-key voice, tremblin' with utter fear on stage he found a way to hide himself behind the band in the audience there was not a single fan I don't feel the need to sleep with your mother or your girlfriend I don't feel the need to sleep with your girlfriend I don't wanna be one of your disgusting friends I'd rather feel like to stay in my house drinking beer and thinking small and waiting for your call pressing the record button in a state of reverie
2.
I know you locked your feelings inside I know you wanted me to be there tonight and your boyfriend's ain't gonna stop me now he's calling the shots in the handicap spot my prescience kept me from goin' insane I tried to make good music to soothe my pain but I find myself throwin' all this crap away curling myself up into a foetal state you are in the fall of the evening praying you are averting your eyes when facing I stare at the sand in the clock I know you still think a lot about me you saw the walls in your room were thinner you knew I could hear you screaming while I was hanging out with stupid girls he promised you a lot and I knew I'd never see you again now I find myself getting lonelier and lonelier your absence began to take shape and it turned into a black hole I started losing weight and dip the inner light but when I looked into the mirror I still appeared to be alive no-one can say I'd ever given up on you no-one will stay with you and be so good you have to know I'm all right now know I'm all right now...
3.
get down, on your knees and crawl with yr tongue you'll sweep the floor holy water, the Book, a crucifix white trash get out! gee, yr friends I hate'em all they live their lives in a shopping mall gee, yr friends are a lot like you nothin' under the dress and nothing to do know, the label wants this to cash in you have to show all u got on MTV and if there's more they gonna hose u down upskirt in Beverly Hills gee, yr friends I hate'em all they live their lives in a shopping mall gee, yr friends are a lot like you nothin' under the dress and nothing to do she found a new BF pathetic times a topless self-shot that's no surprise I'd rather stay home if that's alright with you gave me a nosejob the word 'nose' doesn’t even rhyme with 'blow' no… look at the silhouette of Scarlett the times she passed me by without even noticing on the red carpet, the red ...
4.
geography class alright Heather got laid tonight disappointment for all our guys but hey we’ve got weed Smokable Jesus long-legged teachers violence and smack our principal’s head oh pretty please with sugar on top I want you back in my life, you’re a real kick ass girl now that I see what a sucker I’ve been to have followed your tracks across the whole goddamn nation her blonde hair in a knot God complex or what? glacial landscapes on screen please look at me you’re all over the road map he got into yr pretty head I’m sure he’s obscene a mean cold machine oh pretty please with sugar on top I want you back in my life, you’re a real kick ass girl now that I see what a fucker you’ve met I acknowledge the fact he’s a goddamn asshole oh Judas Priest he wore a t-shirt to the knees half-assed metal up your ass can’t believe she got all wet and .. that dude’s a fag in one of my dreams I woke up and had a real family daddy cut the meat and stuck a knife in my head look at him, he’s a machine!
5.
I lie awake at night I think a lot of you and I the pope got killed and God knows why you're in his arms tonight oh for heaven's sake he's a fake he likes to watch Will & Grace she has a down on this rhythm and I told her not to listen this is music for those who have lost and I told you I couldn't sing this in front of a mirror I'm The Doorman, in front of a door will you find Mr. Right? I recommend The Doorman, give him a big hand he has impaired sight he might look pretty dense there's the bell he lost himself or a contact lens she has a down on this rhythm and I told her not to listen this is music which totally sucks and I told you I couldn't play this in front of a listener I'm not a jukebox and he ain't God he ain't that kind of guy who waits anxiously for you to arrive he's something like a complete dickhead who fucks around in his life he's an autobiographer who fills empty pages with thoughts on penis enlargement, virtual golf, webcam porn and the lyrics from the latest of Korn I never sleep at night I'm really scared to find you there, figuring in a nightmare you and your Son of Sam life is a joke, his ghostwriter must be Edgar Allan Poe he is a dead Doorman I'm the goddamn Doorman
6.
bite me 01:32
you should swim in the pond tonight your skin is covered with insect bites in a hot summer night I told your friend to turn off the fan he's quite the character, a family man but the two of us will sit at the fire tonight when the fire has died I will hold you tight when I was touring in France I looked in your eyes you knew my performance was merely a disguise but there was nothing to hide I see your friend has gone to bed in tails and white tie but he will lose with heads 'cause the two of us will sit at the fire tonight when the fire has died I will hold you tight when we wake we will fan the embers and wait for the fall at the end of September and I know your friend is a persistent guy but all bugs will die with insecticide he likes to fuck all the lady bugs, preying in the sky likes to suck out all life in the dark of the night blood is thicker than water tonight whatever that means
7.
fick-luder 01:43
as small as I may feel when I need her so badly a duchess is crumbling when I look into her eyes at times when you kill me, I've got a bulletproof jacket and when resurrected I watch while your boyfriend dies the fire's still burning despite of the water and my stomach's still turning when I think of your mother and I've already told you that there is no camera but you're playing around with guys who did not get the script we have re-elected a party and still nobody wants to try the punch, goddamnit your Furby gets a treatment of love and affection but in the dissecting room there was no heart inside the fire's still burning despite of the water and my stomach's still turning when I think of your mother and I've already told you that there is no camera but you're playing around with guys who did not get the script for fuck's sake, you fucking
8.
your buddy, ex-pal your best friend is fucking my niece you know they all look exactly like me well, I don't know, no, what happens in your head when you take off with him, it really makes me sad and you are the Israel loving Jew (you) are the negro polishing boots (you) are the child molester Cruise goddamned, you're fucking with that man he's full of shit and he likes to be your friend well, I get crucified by the Ku Klux Klan and you are the Israel loving Jew (you) are the negro polishing boots (you) are the child molester Cruise a life-time supply of spam in your mailbox the others will have to suck cocks with women all around, women all around women all around women all around yeah, yeah, the milf really got sour women all around women all around women all around the deafening sound of women all around yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
9.
Janeway to the bridge Ashlee flash yr tits Flash Gordon likes that shit slamming crystal meth these are teen idols by the grace of their fans let’s call up Jesus Christ and crucify that man again and again Captain’s Log, Stardate w/7 of 9, I feel so great Rick Salomon leaked the tape for all to masturbate these are teen idols by the grace of their fans let’s call up Jesus Christ and crucify that man again and again call your dirty lawyer, sue’m for fuckin’ up yr face they rolled her from the clinic straight into Sick Bay let’s reshape her labia and bleach her butthole my tricorder says you’re human who’s in want of a soul action figure Cobain doesn’t shoot his brain let’s insert a battery and ram the Mustang in me these are teen idols by the grace of their fans let’s call up Jesus Christ and crucify that man recreating Teen Spirit, buttons on a plastic guitar tonight we’re gonna blow up the corporate Death Star we have to straitjacket it we have to conjure it out we have to……… get the fuck out of this

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#5 in The Doorman Compact Cassette Series

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released March 9, 2019

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the Doorman Utrecht, Netherlands

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